Summer '10 wrap-up

Unable to go to sleep. I tried. But this faint but oh so familiar feeling is overpowering even the forces of the sandman & the infinite sheep falter. So here I am browsing through my cellphone inbox. Reading through all the saved messages I have of hers.

Hard to comprehend which time is more difficult in regards to leaving for school: Freshman year or currently? That question beckoned for me to ponder it the whole day and my answer would have to be...right here, right now. Freshman year was a mixture of anxiety, hope and sadness. I already know what's in store for me so the answer to the question is basically night and day.

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This summer was perhaps the best summer of my entirety. Scratch that. Hands down, the best summer of my life. Balanced two jobs, chilled, actually learned something memorable in summer school, vacation (VIRGINIA BEACH!!), WATER oriented activities (my heart & soul) and to save the best for last...her =D

Word to the wise. I can't recall anything before this summer, where I actually genuinely and truely missed being with friends and family. It's been quite a long time.

However, as equilibrium plays out. I've observed some fairly disappointing behaviour from friends I hold to high regards. Talk is cheap. There's some childish tendencies that need to be realized by the individuals.

& for one particular friend (if you so happen to be reading this)- alcohol is no excuse to degrade others especially random strangers. Though you TRIED to humiliate me within the group by saying stuff in regards to me having your back. I laughed it off and restrained myself by not humiliating you. Few minutes later, I schooled you when we had that 1 on 1 talk and you, yourself realized the extent of your childishness, hypocrisy and idiocy. You're welcome.

I'm loyal and will always have the backs(& fronts) of the people I care about but when you try to pick a fight for the hell of it, especially in an environment which we were in and the occasion on which we were there for. That's called being a dumbass. Me, being a strong believer in hands-on learning. Wouldn't mind if you got scrapped 1 on 1 in order to learn a lesson.

For the record. You should know I always add fuel to the my fire. "Apparently" is what echoes through my mind when I'm in search of motivation.

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Steel

Evidence is the deciding factor of everything. Belief isn't, but if it's all you have, then that's fine. The "truth" is all we have to go by. Nobody knows what you're doing, but yourself. People can easily misinterpret or misjudge your actions and words. When they do, then you don't owe them anything. People who truly belong in your life will stay regardless and won't question your integrity and morals. That's the meaning of true friendship

04/29/10

I've been in this situation before and I can still recall everything within the three zones of: now, then & later.

Everything's been fun but sometimes you have to give up a good portion of that for something more meaningful... if not all of it. It's going to be hard cause I'm used to all of this and I don't know if I can stop.

I'll see how all of this plays out.

Amphibious

In order to survive, we cling to all we know and understand. And we label it reality. But knowledge and understanding are ambiguous. That reality could be an illusion. All of us live with the wrong assumptions. Isn't that another way of looking at it? With that being said... How much can you actually see? Were never what we were in the past! And we can see through stuff that were unidentifiable in the past! Some people speak with such confidence that it becomes irritating. But for now, I'll take their word for it.

Fruit

My close friends won't quit as long as they can draw breath. Me? I've got a different problem. I feel I live in a world made of cardboard and always taken constant care not to break something, too break someone. Never allowing myself to lose control, even for a moment.. for someone can seriously be hurt. I want to find something or someone that can take it. I want to find a rare opportunity for me to cut loose and show everyone just how powerful I really am.

Only Filipino in California.....Avenue ( I think???)

Back in Windsor & with a proper mohawk =)

Just finished first stage of setting up my room. Meaning, clothes in the drawers, hanging up clothes in the closet then the rest on the floor =P

When we arrived and saw familiar structures and scenery it felt that I wasn't even gone. Last time I was here was in late August of 2008. Feels really good to be back.

We left around at 8am and got here around 12, saw the house and met one of my housemates. Found out we have a 7 month old cat by the name of Junior (but we don't call it that).

My room was like my room in my old house. A big ass crawlspace (storage place), open closet and one drawer. I thought the guy who I talked to about the room said that it was all furnished, but I guess not. So then we left all our stuff here, ate at Tim Horton's for lunch then went to Zellers to find a desk & airbed. When we got there it was packed, clearance sale & back to school. Saw a computer desk for $20 so we decided to pick it up. Found the airbed and compared the size, durability and price. We weren't satisfied so we decided to go to Canadian. As I approached the cashiers desk, memories of first year came back (msg me to find out)

Came back to the house, cleaned everything up (whole house, mom is awesome ^-^). Then built the desk and soon after they left.

......... didn't really do anything that day except stay in the house and just "organize"

Reliability

The ability to be reliable.

O the rarity these days.

I guess out of all the qualities she possessed, her communication and reliability were the sexiest....along with her physical qualities and attributes. That's what I missed the most and I'd be lying if I wasn't looking for those exact qualities all this time.

There's a clear difference between looking for a replacement/substitute to looking for similar qualities. I'm not a principal looking for a substitute... looking for a long term commitment to the faculty =)

But the twist of it all, I've met individuals with almost the same qualities and characteristics but when you're ready to be committed they don't trust you & when you don't see them being your gf.. they trust you. hahaha

Just don't call it a comeback

Just like the title says, I've had 6 months to think about it. Continue with my degree in UofW or choose an alternative route. But I followed my heart and all of it's ambiguity... as corny as that sounds. But hey! Some of the best things in life can be corny as can be

Couple of days till I can unleash. Enough said.

....... luckily I'm good at putting up a facade but I'm a man of my word. Manipulation & deceit is what I despise.

Umbrella

Before I even realized the rain gathered around my feet
and the tears that I kept from falling are pooling in my eyes
I cry

Sounds of the clock in an barren room
The noise of the rain on the roof and my lips
Inside the pocket of the coat I rarely wear
is the ring along with the overwhelming memory
I haven't seen Toronto in a few months

The gathered rain are like little mirrors
I struggle within them because of the pain
Because without you I'm a chair with a short leg
The umbrella was too small for the both of us
but the umbrella shielded us from the cold world
now it seems much too big and awkward.

Your left shoulder always got so wet
I hang my head with the weight of the memories
My shoelaces are untied, undone
and all thats next to me is the rain and wind
(not there) is a person that will hold my umbrella for a while
and I cry

The ground has gathered the tears of the sky
I can see the moon behind the clouds that block the stars
The sound of lonely shoes echo down the alley
I turn around-
It's just heart wrenching night
A shadow that looks just like me
The two of us that couldn't see "us"
Are we now two people?
The answer is so lonely
The picture in my mind and my response is vague
The umbrella was too big in my eyes
The umbrella I will close facing the world that made
me cry
The umbrella that I opened with the promise of
forever
Under the ripped umbrella are the two hearts
I guess even though I turn around you wont be there
I put my two hands deep inside my pockets
Even though I walk as if carefree
My two cheeks will become wet so easily